


No Regrets

by ElleRett



Category: Station 19 (TV)
Genre: Break Up, F/M, Gen, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:40:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24910090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElleRett/pseuds/ElleRett
Summary: Victoria Hughes and Lucas Ripley were never meant to become anything more than casual. That had been the intention the first time he had gone home with her. Sleep together a few times without developing feelings for each other. Then it had evolved and they found themselves still together but not able to make their relationship public without risking their careers.Picking up post 2x11, Vic and Lucas don't put off the conversation but instead come to a mutual decision to end their conversation. As they continue their lives, Vic finds herself a rebound to take her mind off of Lucas while they try to find a way to continue to work together without their past relationship affecting their decisions.Disclaimer: I would never end a story with Vic and Jackson being together.
Relationships: Jackson Avery/Victoria Hughes, Lucas Ripley/Robert Sullivan, Miranda Bailey/Ben Warren, Victoria Hughes/Lucas Ripley, Victoria Hughes/Travis Montgomery
Comments: 11
Kudos: 36





	1. Finishing the Conversation

**Author's Note:**

> So this idea has been running around in my head for a while. It first came up after Maya brought up Vic's past relationship with Mayhorn. Instead of using that relationship (because let's all be honest, the chances of Vic revisiting that are slim to none), I decided to substitute in Jackson Avery. Until his relationship with Vic, I didn't have any feelings per se, about his character in Grey's Anatomy. He was just there. Post Station 19, I seriously dislike him having anything to do with the fire department and Vic.

"Is that right sir? is this conversation over?"

Vitoria's words were running through his head over and over. He knew what he should have said. The rational answer to her question. Yes. Yes, the conversation was over. The problem was that although his brain had fully grasped the repercussions of continuing their relationship, his gut was edging him towards a different decision.

Sighing, Lucas pulled out the employee handbook he kept in the top drawer of his desk and flipped to the section on interdepartmental relationships. He scanned it hoping that some loophole would jump out at him. Some way that he could continue the relationship without her job being at risk. Sure, keeping his job would also be preferable but no matter how much he tried to convince himself that he wouldn't sacrifice the career he had built over the last two decades for a relationship, deep down he knew that he had achieved everything he had set out to professionally while sacrificing his personal goals.

Early on he had pictured himself as having kids and a wife by the time he reached his forties. By the time he signed his second set of divorce papers he had given up on that vision and accepted that he was never going to get his happily ever after. Then Vic happened. He couldn’t explain why he had decided to sleep with her the first time or what made him reach out to her despite having found himself alone in her apartment after getting out of the shower that first morning. Maybe it was because of Claire and the memories that had surfaced on the anniversary of her death or maybe it was because she had apologized for shouting at him. Maybe it was because she had shouted at him in the first place. Regardless of the reason why, five months had passed, and they were still sleeping together. That was just a month shy of how long it had taken for his second marriage to fall apart and Lucas was not naïve enough to think that there was anything different about this time round. Except Vic. Vic was nothing like Eva or his first wife.

Lucas closed the guide with an audible snap and shoved it back into the drawer. He had read the section on relationships enough times at this point to know that the only way for both of them to keep their jobs and have a relationship were if they were married. Their only real option was to risk their jobs and that was not something he was willing to let her do.

-+-

Victoria was loafing on her sofa staring vacantly at the tv that was playing a movie she had selected off Netflix. As far as she could tell from the few moments she had been able to focus it was about a woman who was trying to connect with a dead family member. Her mind was busy replaying her fight with Ripley. Over and over again. In vivid detail while her brain added commentary as it analysed his every word. No matter how much sense his argument had made there was a large part of her that was convinced he was ashamed of her. After all she was just an unranked firefighter and he was the chief.

As far as relationships went, her longest relationship before him had been two months in high school with the boy she had lost her virginity to. Since then she had a series of one-night stands and a few casual hook ups. No commitment. It was the way she like things. Then he came along and changed everything. The first time was supposed to be it but then she had bailed from her house while he was in the shower and she had realised that she wanted to see him again. Well, sleep with him again. So they had kept sleeping together and then eventually started going to the diner. Almost all of her nights off had been spent with him. Mostly at her place although they had stayed at his place a few times. Days off on the weekend were also usually spent in his company. No matter how much she tried to deny it her casual “it’s just sex” relationship had become pretty serious. Serious enough for her to consider that it may actually mean more to her than her job.

Shaking her head of the thought, Vic got off the couch and headed to the kitchen to start preparing dinner. No matter how she felt about him, she could never be worth more than his job.

-+-

Victoria woke up the next morning to her phone chiming. Groaning she stretched and reached for it. Without even having to check she knew that the message was from him. She slowly unlocked her phone glancing at the time; 8:52am. Taking a deep breath, she looked at the message. _Hey, can I come over sometime today? We need to talk._

As she had drifted off to sleep the night before. Vic had been resolute in what had to happen. She had told herself that no matter how much she wanted the conversation to continue, it would be easier to break things off now before she fell even deeper.

 _Sure. 9:30 too soon?_ Vic replied. The sooner they had the conversation, the more likely she was too stick to her decision.

 _See you then._ The reply came within seconds.

Vic jumped out of bed, straightened her duvet and headed into the bathroom to shower. She changed into a pair of not too tight jeans and a casual loose-fitting shirt, ignoring the white nice-smelling shirt he had left after one of their adult sleep overs. Once changed she made her way to the kitchen and turned on the coffee machine, pulling two mugs out of the cupboard. As she finished pouring the coffee into both mugs, there was a familiar knock at her front door. She contemplated taking her time wanting to put off the inevitable for as long as she could but a voice at the back of her head reminded her that it was for the best. As she passed through the lounge, she placed both cups on the coffee table before making her way to open the door.

He was standing slightly hunched over from the shoulders wearing the blue sweater he had worn at the first support group session. His eyes had slight circles beneath them and his hair looked like he had forgotten to run a comb through after getting out of bed. As the door opened a small, unenthusiastic smile crossed his face, softening his stressed looking features for a moment.

“Hey,” she greeted, “Come in.”

“Morning,” he said stepping past her and entering her apartment.

With an awkward smile, she led the way to her couches and took a seat on the single chair to the side. He followed hesitantly and paused, unsure, for a few seconds before sitting on the couch she had occupied the night before.

“I made coffee. Your usual. I wasn’t sure if you had already had this morning but I haven’t so I made for both of us,” Vic cut herself as she realized she was babbling.

“Thanks.”

“So…..”

“We need to talk.”

“Talk. Yep. That’s what your message said. So talk,” Vic picked up the coffee cup but instead of taking a sip started to staring intently at the contents and moving her hands around it nervously.

“Ah, yes. I did,” Lucas sighed as he realised he no longer knew what he wanted to say. “Um…Yesterday, what I said, how I came across…it wasn’t my intention. I’m not going to say that I didn’t mean what I said because at least to some degree I meant all of it. Us, being together, is always going to be something that we need to hide if we want to keep our jobs and I guess in some way that comes across as me being ashamed of you.”

As he spoke, Vic could feel her breaths becoming shallower. She had known from the second she read his message that this was the way the conversation was going to go but actually living the moment was something completely different. Tearing her eyes away from the mug she looked towards him. He hadn’t touched the coffee. His hands seemed to be wringing an imaginary towel, his eyes which had been focused on her feet came up to meet hers. The tension in his face was enough to make her want to end their talk sooner.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that as long as we want to protect our jobs, we can’t be together publicly or let people in the department know that we are together.”

“So we should break up,” Vic interrupted.

A flash of pain seemed to cross his face before he managed to compose himself. “If that’s what you want.”

Vic looked away, unable to lie while looking into his magnificent blue eyes, “It is. I think this is the best thing for both of us.”

“Yeah, for both of us. I guess then it would be better if I left.”

“Yes it would be,” Vic could already feel the tears welling up in her eyes. Unwilling to let him see how much she was affected by their decision, Vic stood up and started heading for the door.

Lucas followed at a slower pace. Looking around her apartment as she opened the door and ushered him out. As he took the step over the threshold, he turned around to face Vic.

“Bye Lucas.”

“Goodbye Victoria.”


	2. Hobbies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucas and Vic try to distract themselves from their break up.

Breaking up had not been his intention when he had asked Vic if they could talk. To be completely honest he hadn’t known exactly what he had been leading up to when he had started his apology. All he had been able to think of at that point was the look on her face as she had asked him if the conversation was over and how he never wanted to see her look at him that way again. The way she had looked at him as he left her apartment, however, was so bad that her previous reaction paled in comparison.

Deep down he knew that they had made the right decision, no matter how much it hurt. The fact that it hurt made him even more sure of the decision. He could only imagine how much more painful it would have been down the line when they eventually broke up or were discovered. Losing a job you loved when you were just starting may not be the end of the world but the last few months had made it very clear to him just how tight-knit Vic’s team were and how much they relied on each other. In the two decades he had worked for the SFD he had never seen another team quite as close. Even his relationship with Sully paled in comparison. Given the current state of affairs that was not hard but even in the years that preceded Claire’s death their relationship was not quite as dependent as what he saw between the members of 19.

As he drove away from her apartment, Lucas felt the urge to punch something. Glancing at the dashboard clock, he noted that their talk had only taken a few minutes and despite it being a Saturday, he decided to head to headquarters. He could punch the bag in the exercise room for a bit before tackling the mountain of paperwork that the RV crash at 19 had created.

Within minutes he was parking and making his way inside. Being a Saturday, the parking garage was mostly empty as was the building itself. He was relieved to make it to his office without running into anyone. A folder marked ‘S19 Crash’ had made its way into his in-tray overnight and a quick glance told him that his initial assumption had been right; he had a lot of paperwork to get through. Deciding to leave it until after he had hit the gym, he made his way downstairs to the HQ exercise room.

Although not as utilized as most of the stations exercise rooms, the room held some of the best equipment the SFD owned. Lucas had never spent a lot of time in the gym during the work week, as he often got caught up in the paperwork and preferred to use his office hours as productively as possible in case he got called to a fire. He had spent even less time in the HQ gym since he had started seeing Vic, preferring to spend his free time in bed or out at the diner with her.

Each employee had a small locker in the gym where they could store their personal exercise equipment and clothes. Lucas opened his locker and was relieved to find a clean pair of shorts and an SFD shirt. He made a mental note to bring back his second set which he had taken home to clean before heading into the small changing room and changing. He then strapped his hands and wrists, pulled on his gloves, and moved to the middle punching bag.

As he punched and moved around the bag, his thoughts flashed back to the regular sparring sessions he had enjoyed with Sully before their relationship had crumpled. Maybe it was time for him to have another go at reconciling with his old friend. The fact that Sully had been willing to even consider moving back to Seattle gave him hope that he had a chance. 

Lucas spent just over an hour working on his technique before changing and heading back to his office to start the paperwork. It took him a while but eventually he was engrossed in what he was doing, mind fully focused on the task at hand. He broke for lunch just after 2pm and headed to the small café across the road. He didn’t often eat take out while he was at work. Years of enjoying cooked meals at the firehouses where he had worked before being promoted to chief had created a habit that he had yet to break. It was a quick walk and he was pleased to see only one person in the line. Without thinking too much about it, he ordered himself an Americano and a panini sandwich to go. Minutes later he was back at his desk, eating as he continued to work.

He wrapped up the paperwork just before 6pm and despite wanting to continue to use work as a distraction from his breakup, Lucas decided to take a chance and invite Sully to have drinks with him. He picked up his phone and searched for Sully’s number. Before he could change his mind, he hit the green call button and placed the device against his ear. As he waited for Sully to pick up, he rehearsed what he wanted to say in his head.

**___________________________________**

Journaling had always been Vic’s go to when something happened in her life. She had journaled when her parents hadn’t shown up to watch her perform in the premiere of Pirates of Penzance. She had journaled when her grandmother had passed away. She had journaled after making the decision to become a firefighter. She had journaled after her experience with ethanol fire the previous year. Journaling was something she did to try and make sense of what had happened in her life. It never made anything better or fixed problems, but it was one of the tools she had to keep her from completely losing control.

Vic’s other go to was singing. She had often found herself singing “The Little Teapot song” when she needed to distract herself from what was going on in the moment. It had worked during the ethanol fire. Her years of performing had also been a distraction from her parent’s inattentiveness.

This time, however, neither journaling nor singing were in the least bit appealing. Her emotions over their breakup was not something she was ready to deal with just yet. So instead she cleaned. She pulled off the bedding that had been on her bed since the last time he had slept over and shoved it into the washing machine. She threw his untouched coffee down the drain and scrubbed the mug clean. The spare toothbrush he had kept at her place was put into the trashcan. The floors were swept and mopped. Her bookshelf dusted and rearranged. Before she knew it, the day was half over and if her stomach hadn’t grumbled just after two she would have moved on to sorting out her clothes. She checked her fridge and was unsurprised to find it mostly empty. Unwilling to venture out for food, she scrolled through UberEats and ordered herself a burger and fries. It arrived half an hour later and she ate it while mindlessly watching another movie on Netflix.

She was almost disappointed when it ended despite not being able to recall a single thing that had happened. With a sigh, she looked around her apartment. She realized that she didn’t actually know what to do after breaking off a serious relationship. All of her previous boyfriends and hookups hadn’t been worth dwelling on and she had usually just continued with her life unphased. It made her sad to think that out of all her romantic relationships, the first one that meant anything real was a forbidden relationship with her significantly older boss. She contemplated calling Travis and getting insight from him before she remembered that his solution to his last breakup was a series of hobbies that had culminated in him wearing spandex in public and finding his c-spot. Deciding that she would be able to just as easily find a new hobby without having to actually tell anyone that they had broken up, Vic started scrolling through Netflix looking for inspiration. When that failed, she picked up her phone and Googled ‘hobbies you can do alone’. The thought of potentially meeting somebody new so soon after her break up was disagreeable. She opened the first link that popped up and worked her way down the suggestions immediately dismissing anything artsy. Most of the suggestions were once off things like ‘spraying lavender on linens’ and ‘reading jokes.’ She was almost ready to give up on the idea when one of the ideas caught her eye.

Vic had always loved food but as was evident by the lack of supplies in her fridge, she rarely cooked meals for herself. It wasn’t that she couldn’t cook, she just didn’t. As far as Vic was concerned, cooking sounded like it could be an enjoyable hobby. Resolving to make at least one new dish on her days off, she opened up her Pinterest app and started a new board. The next few hours were spent pinning various recipes to the board as she came across foods that could suit breakfast, lunch, dinner or even dessert. As she pinned she grew excited about her new hobby, even starting a shopping list of things she would need to make a simple mac and cheese and heading out to the local store to purchase them.

She had just gotten home from her impromptu shopping trip when her phone rang. After dropping the grocery bags on her kitchen counter, she pulled her phone out of her pocket and answered it without even checking who was calling moving to sit on the couch.

_“Hello”_

_“Hey, Vic,”_ Travis’ cheerful voice responded. _“What are you up to this evening?”_

_“Um…I was going to watch a movie on Netflix. It’s about a woman whose brother dies and she tries to reconnect with his ghost. Why?”_ Vic had not planned on watching anything on Netflix but she had known Travis (and humans in general) long enough to know that he wanted to do something and she wasn’t quite ready to face him.

_“Dean and I were thinking of doing a team drinks night since we haven’t had one in a while. You watching the movie alone?”_ Travis asked. Vic could hear the smirk through the phone and was not prepared for the wave of sadness that passed through her.

_“No.”_

_“Okay, well, I will let you get back to your hobby. Maybe we can do the drinks night on Monday. Will give us Tuesday to recover before shift.”_

Vic grimaced as she tried to block out the growing sense of sadness that was spreading through her. _“No, don’t postpone for me. I may be busy on Monday night. Go drink and I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”_

_“Wow. Ditching your friends for a guy. Never pegged you for the type of person who would plan their lives around a guy but I guess this is your first serious hobby.”_

_“Travis, I need to go. I’ll see you tomorrow,”_ Vic repeated.

_“Yeah sure. See you then. Bye”_

_“Bye.”_ Vic dropped the phone on the couch and reached for the grocery bags to start unpacking the ingredients she had bought. She laid them out on the counter and then headed back to the couch to retrieve her phone so she could pull up the recipe she had found. She was determined to push any thought of her ~~hubby~~ hobby out of her mind.

___________________________________

Lucas had been surprised when Robert had taken him up on the invitation to get a beer. Wanting to avoid as many firefighters as possible, they settled on Joe’s rather than McCoy’s and agreed to meet there at 7.

He had spent very little time in bars since Sully had left Seattle, not having many close friends and even fewer in the SFD. He had always been career-driven and little had changed in the fifteen years, Sullivan had been away. Until Vic had come along. Never before had he compromised his career for any person. Sure, if there had been a reason he would have done it for Jennifer but his past was proof that his career came first. It had been the reason his first two marriages had failed and his insistence on following protocol had been what had ended his friendship with Sully.

Lucas arrived at Joe’s just before 7 and found Sullivan already sitting at a small table in the corner. He was nursing a beer that looked like it was already half-finished. Based on his old friend’s insistence on never drinking more than one beer, Lucas surmised that Robert was not planning on hanging out for long.

“Please can I get a scotch on the rocks? Over there,” Lucas called to the bartender as he made his way over to join the captain. He took the chair across from Sullivan, his back facing the rest of the bar.

“So,” Sullivan started looking up at him.

“Yeah, um, I know this may have been a little out of the blue but thanks for coming Sully. Honestly didn’t think you would,” Lucas was suddenly a lot more nervous than he had been.

“If you had asked me a few days ago I definitely would have declined but I’ve been encouraged to open up to my team. Since you were the last firefighter I was actually close with, I figured I may as well try to move past what happened,” Sullivan looked down as he spoke, rotating the neck of the bottle between his fingers.

“I’m glad,” Lucas could feel a flicker of hope growing. Maybe things would be okay. “You still boxing?”

“Don’t really have anyone to spar with but I still hit the bag a couple of times a week. Mostly at my local gym. You still got a bag at home?”

“Nope. Lost that in the divorce. Not sure what Eva intended to do with it but her lawyer argued that since it was secured with a permanent fixture it was part of the house. Thank you,” Lucas turned to thank the bartender as he delivered his drink. He took a sip before joining Sullivan and fiddling with his drink.

“So she was the one who cheated and yet she got the house anyway?” Sullivan chuckled.

“Apparently being negligent as a husband is a worse offense. That and constantly putting my life in danger. Apparently that caused Eva so much emotional distress that she was forced to cheat to cope,” Lucas replied.

“I never understood why you married Eva in the first place. I mean she was nice enough as a person but you two were just wrong for each other. It brought out the worst in both of you,” Sullivan finished off his beer and took a long look at Lucas. “Have you had any serious relationships since?”

Lucas cringed as his mind betrayed him and an image of Victoria filled his thoughts. Trying to ignore it and knowing that he couldn’t tell Sully anything about Vic he said, “Nope. Been focused on my career. I mean I’ve been on a few dates but nothing came of any of them.”

“But you hoped they would?” Sullivan asked. “Come on man I was your best friend. I know what your tells are. There is clearly someone you are still hung up on.”

Of course, Sullivan would see right through him. “It’s complicated.”

“Complicated? What is it… Oh no,” Sullivan cut himself off with a loud groan, his eyes focused on something behind Lucas.

Luke turned around to see what had distracted his friend and his heart panged as he caught sight of most of Station 19’s A shift filtering into the bar. Feeling almost disappointed it didn’t take him long to realize that Vic wasn’t amongst them. Bishop and Herrera were huddled together at the front clearly debating something. Behind them Gibson, Montgomery, Warren, and Miller were laughing loudly about something. They didn’t catch sight of their two bosses sitting in the corner immediately but Lucas could visibly see their mood deflate as they did. Herrera and Bishop stopped talking and Bishop looked at Herrera almost triumphantly. The guys took a bit longer to realize what had disrupted the ladies' conversation but when they did the laughter seemed to die on their lips and Gibson, Warren and Miller instead plastered polite smiles on their faces that were aimed in their direction. A weird look crossed Montgomery’s face as he caught sight of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was not as long as I was hoping it to be but it seemed like a natural end for the chapter. You will start to see the story pick up in the next few chapters. I'm planning on about 10 chapters at this point.

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 1 is short as it merely sets the stage for what is to come. I had seriously thought my fan fiction writing days were over until I realised that a year after his death, I am still pissed off about the way Vicley was handled.
> 
> I plan to post once a week but real life commitments may at times interfere. Especially due to the added demands that have been created due to Covid.


End file.
